Posted in A mortgage broker dies suddenly. He immediately goes to visit St. Peter who is sitting in front of the pearly gates.
St. Peter tells the broker, 'Well, you are a unique case. You haven't been good enough to go to heaven but you haven't been bad enough to go to hell. So, just for you, we are going to try something different. We have decided to let you pick. Where would you like to spend eternity, Heaven or Hell?'
Now the broker, being the typical mortgage broker, knows he should just instantly pick Heaven but the thought of being able to see Hell was too much. The broker asked St. Peter; 'Well, I know I should pick Heaven but can I see both Heaven and Hell before I answer that question.'
St. Peter, slightly annoyed, agreed with the broker's requests.
Immediately, the broker is in Heaven. It is exactly like the stories describe. There are white clouds, golden streets, angels with harps.....it's storybook Heaven.
Next, the broker is in Hell. It is nothing like the stories. It is a large 'man cave'. In the cave is a large wall of big screen TV's with every sports event ever recorded. There are recliners all over the cave and Hooters girls bringing everyone beer and wings. It's amazing!
The broker is then returned to St Peter. St Peter again asks, 'Where would you like to spend eternity, Heaven or Hell?'
Now, the broker being a typical mortgage broker asks St Peter 'Can I think about it and tell you tomorrow?' St Peter, again annoyed, agrees.
The next day, St Peter asks the broker to choose. The broker explains, 'Well, I know I should pick Heaven. I've lived my entire life thinking about going to Heaven. But honestly, when I saw Hell, I just believe I will fit into that environment better. I need to pick Hell.'
With that the broker is immediately in Hell, but this time it looks different. It's still a cave but now the broker is chained to the wall. There are cracks in the floor and walls, each with flames heating the cave to a literal inferno. Across the room is an ice cold glass of water sitting just barely outside of reach...never to be obtained.
The broker looks up and yells, 'Hey St Peter, what happened to the TVs and the Hooters girls?'
And St Peter yells down, 'You should have locked yesterday'.
